Practical Ways To Manage grief.
It’s very helpful in the days and weeks after a loved one has died to embrace the process of grieving very consciously and deliberately. Some people find rituals very beneficial:
Cook the loved one’s favourite meal – Carry a remembrance item – Write them a letter – Create an altar – Plant a tree – Create art in their memory – Burn Sage or Incense – Carry out any wish of the deceased.
Use Birthdays, Anniversaries, Weddings, Births, Deaths and other emotionally charged pivotal points in life to experience the grief all over again – it’s part of the grieving and mourning process. Your response to grief changes over time and sometimes it’s like someone turned up the dial on every single emotion in the book and it’s become amplified. It’s ok. It’s a wave and it doesn’t have to drown you forever. Be mindful of those who you know to be grieving – their emotions will be magnified.
You all know that there are 5 stages of grieving: Denial – Anger – Bargaining – Depression – Acceptance. Move through them as they arise.
Be mindful of your physical health and how you’re functioning daily. Some people experience prolonged grief disorder or complicated grief, which is usually identified within 6 months to a year after the loss. An intervention is often required to get back onto healing track. Circumstances surrounding the loss and how the loss was dealt with, all play a part in how healthily you heal. Trying to avoid grief, suppress it, hurry it along or have your mourning process hijacked by someone or something, can all lead to even more intense suffering further along the path. Be vigilant.
When dealing with someone who is in mourning, don’t try and cheer them up or use empty platitudes to make them feel better. Don’t tell them their loved one is in a better place. It’s insulting. Just listen. Stop talking. Ask them what they need. Make them their favourite meal or take them flowers. Don’t keep asking them how they are. When they cry or get angry don’t tell them to stop. Let them know that when they’re sad or depressed that you’ll be there for them. Let them know that they are not alone. You will be doing all the things you would have done with the person who has just died. The worst thing to be left with at any time in life, are regrets. Regrets can mostly be avoided. It takes thoughtfulness, courage, honesty, humility, and effort. Practice now and as I always say: From today, if you are going to invest in anything, spend time becoming self- aware. Begin treating yourself like someone you are responsible for helping. Understanding yourself is a fundamental step to taking care of yourself. If you can do this for yourself, you can also do it for others. Being self-aware will automatically bring with it an awareness of how short life really is and how to best make use of your time here. Self-awareness reminds us of our mortality.
“When my client has learned to answer their own questions, my job is done”
Need to know more? WhatsApp on +27823740940 or email on barbara@barbarascogings.com to book a complimentary 20-minute session to discuss this in more detail.