On Forgiveness
You know, people keep telling me that I must forgive people for many reasons. I have an innate problem with this concept because forgiveness means different things to different people. It involves a deliberate decision to let go of resentment and anger. The act that hurt or offended you might still be with you. You don’t have to forget that, but you might have to let it go.
Letting something go is always a relief as it means that the act that’s caused you hurt or harm does not have to have control over you anymore. You quite literally put the burden down because it’s too heavy. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, you can allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings and you might drown in bitterness and anger.
So, forgiveness isn’t a given. You don’t have to forgive someone to let something go. You might need to remember what you learned from their behaviour. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that they will change either. Forgiveness only means that the other person has no more power over you.
The other thing is that you may be the one who needs to be forgiven. Honestly assess whatever you may have done wrong and how that’s affected others and then ask for forgiveness, genuinely without making excuses. Forgiveness is a process and is not a given.
“When my client has learned to answer their own questions, my job is done”.
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