Communicate with your Kids
Communication makes the world go around, doesn’t it? Whether we are sharing and exchanging information, news or ideas, motivated either with love or with fear, it means nothing if not passed on in the most effective, efficient way possible. Why not teach your children from as young as a few years old to embrace the skill of communication, verbal, written, nonverbal, and to practice and rely on it as a vital life skill.
The purpose of communication is to inform, to express feelings, to influence, to meet social expectations, to question, to learn, and to imagine. I’ve found that people generally find it difficult to communicate emotionally; to express honestly what you feel and think can be daunting, and yet it develops an emotional connection which is vital in building healthy relationships.
As parents do, so do your children – Monkey see, Monkey do – Here is an exercise I used with my daughters from toddler upwards that helped us develop the great communication we have with each other to this day:
Take your child to a coffee shop for a milkshake, keep it informal, intimate but special time together. Keeping the outing public reminds you both to emotionally regulate as much as possible what you say to each other. You will have to show your child how to self regulate when they’re very young. Prior to getting started tell your child that this is a safe space, and they’re allowed to be brutally honest, that you’re not going to overreact or judge, you’re going to listen carefully and maybe ask a few clarifying questions after they’ve spoken. Tell them you want to get to know them better and for them to know you as a person and not just as mom. Level the playing field.
Ask your child if they have any problems they wish to share with you, or with anyone else, what do they not like about anything you’re doing or saying, how you could improve your relationship with them, what you could change, and what they feel they need to change or focus on. Remain open and non-reactive. Listen. When your children learn to feel safe in expressing exactly what they think and feel you’ll be surprised at what comes up, and yes, you might want to duck for cover at their honesty. Remain open. Out of the mouths of babes…
I discovered my children to be very insightful and observant and they could tell me exactly where I was going wrong with them as well as what I was getting wrong in my life! They gave me great advice, uncomfortable as it was. They showed me where I needed to grow. My attitude toward them in this situation showed them what courage, humility, willingness to learn and to change, to say sorry, to admit to being wrong, the power of listening and the power of discussion, looks like. Toddlers will understand everything as long as you simplify the words and use clear body language.
Make this a regular date and you’ll find that you and your children will grow in self-awareness and in confidence and that your emotional bond will deepen profoundly. They will learn to respect you, themselves, others, as well as the power of honest communication and develop it into the life skill it should be.
“When my client has learned to answer their own questions, my job is done”.
Need to know more? WhatsApp on +27823740940 or email on barbara@barbarascogings.com to book a complimentary 20-minute session to discuss this in more detail.