Are You ‘Too Open’ – ‘Too Honest’ – ‘Too Kind’
Carry on reading if you are one of those people who are often told that you are ‘too open’, ‘too honest’ or ‘too kind’ especially if these positive qualities often result in negative consequences. For example: If you find you are often taken advantage of because of your kindness and feel taken for granted. Or you are left holding all responsibility in a difficult situation at work simply because you were the only honest person in your department. Or your friend uses the personal things you shared with her to expose you for her own gain. Here are some insights if you are one of these people 😉
When people see your openness, acceptance, honesty, ability to put others first, your understanding and lack of judgment they generally:-
- See this as unusual and refreshing – which it is.
- Find it very attractive – for many reasons – mostly because they know it is something they need but do not experience enough.
- Are exceptionally drawn to it – and begin to desire it without any thought of how their closeness to you is going to affect you at all.
- It can become intoxicating to them – as it makes them feel immediately good and accepted – loved – a great quick fix which can become a habit.
- Men will often see a woman’s mental/emotional openness as a sexual openness and invitation – open mind/open legs – and will make assumptions.
- Will be so drawn to it that they forget about you as a human being and will focus totally on what they need and want from you.
- Will use different ploys, unconscious, subconscious or not, to get to you and to take from you what they desire.
- Will become addicted to you as they would a drug – not to you as a person, but only to what you can do for them, how you make them feel – which is why they have to control you to keep you permanently there for whenever they need a fix!
- You do them no favours by staying with them and continuing to give to them – as they will very rarely learn how to do it for themselves
- They will make no effort to make you or others feel how you make them feel.
- They build up a co-dependence on you.
- In the big picture, your lesson/healing/growth is the only thing you need to focus on – not on them or their lessons.
Your lessons to learn from these types of people will often include:-
- Not allowing any emotional/mental abuse or disrespect
- To honour yourself more
- To listen to/respect your body’s signals and warnings as it has a brilliant intelligence of its own
- To connect with your own emotions and not theirs
- To connect with your own needs and not theirs
- To learn when to be closed
- To learn to take
- To learn when to say no
- To learn the benefits of being selfish – or self-more
- To not give too much too often thus making it easier for them than for yourself – forget about letting others off the hook and let yourself off the hook first!
- Heal yourself, not them. They come to you only for this purpose.
© 2012, Barbara Scogings. All rights reserved.